Life After The Trail

At work I spend most of my days lost in thought, you tend to get trail brain while you do these thoughtless tasks. One thought may be lets say apples well apples are fruits and fruits are yummy, you know what’s yummy rice, wow I haven’t had rice in a week or so and its been forever since before that, I should make some, what else haven’t I made in a while, steak and such, wow I haven’t BBQ’d either, oh yeah Aarons BBQ needs to be repaired, where can I get a 50 gallon drum, isn’t a 50 gallon drum the standard size for a barrel of oil, wait gas went up another 6 cents over night. Ugh I wonder what time it is, its only been 2 minutes you got to be kidding me.

My nights pass either this way or completely void of thought. I let the screen take over. I have a screen with a timer on it that counts down for the next location I need to be at. If you just zone out and follow that the day melts away. I am slightly unnerved at how easy this is to do. What if the screen went all X-Files on me and told me to do something to the guy in the next isle while the timer counted down? That little timer can be a motivator when you have to go 200 isles in a minute and a half. That is why most days I spend thinking of things I need to do and making lists, only half focused on the screen and the timer.

Lately at work my thoughts have been around my return. Many questions flood my mind. Have I been lead to do this trip? Why has everything worked out so only the AT is the clear choice in my life right now? What will I do when I return? Should I go back to school? I have a few options but as I talk with other coworkers, as long as I do a good job at Amazon i will have a future here, if I want it. I do have the benefit of 10,000 dollars for school from them, great benefits, as well as being able to transfer to any facility in the world.

School, thinking about this has not been something I have done in a long time. I don’t want to fail and not succeed. I also do not want to be that guy I see every day at work, who is comfortable where he is. Complacent, stagnant, content, just OK with going to work everyday and buying his time till retirement. Toiling his days away for what, that one week of time off that he never takes. I don’t know how people can live and not have a drive to see the world, to live out of the box. When I ask my friends what they think I usually get the same answer, that is the life they chose.

Choices, we make them everyday. I know something’s are easier and some at harder. When we are faced with a huge momentous decision, do you make the choice, or do you let someone else choose? Not choosing is a choice in itself, I chose to do this trip and I guess in some small part it chose me as well. If you want to make a change in your life, your thinking, anything, you have to just go out everyday and do it. You don’t choose your life, you live it.

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