When we left in the morning there were no goodbyes, Small Fly had already headed to town and we were the last ones awake. Quietly packing up and setting out, we talked for a bit, before settling into my thoughts. I’ve been spending a great deal of time thinking lately, more so than usual. I didn’t put music on to distract me from the still morning sounds of the forrest. Alone with my thoughts with Just Jeremy behind lost in his.
The small ups and downs went unnoticed as my mind drifted for one thing to another. There is so much uncertainty after I finish the trail. The only real thing that is certain is I will finish. I have been ahead for so long that I am not even sure who is left behind me. It is uncertain who has gotten off, who has taken time to relax, who has skipped ahead. The only real way to see who is ahead of me is to look in the book at the ATC in Harpers Ferry. Girlscout and the Gang went to DC, Gadabout and T-bird are behind me, Big Brown is off, Pebbles might be in the Shenandoah’s, Lauren is off, Ultra Not Light is off, The Newlyweds are MIA, Snapshot is off, Deja Vu is MIA, Jess Georgia is off, Goodfoot is behind me or off, Zen is taking a break, Diesel, Huckleberry, and Mantis are ahead somewhere.
It is starting to feel a bit lonely as I pass all of my friends. I miss them and I know I’ll make new ones, yet these are probably my closest friends on the trail. In the beginning we spent so much time together and now I see them in passing or just for a moment. I think the long days of solitude are getting to me a little. I am constantly lost in thought. Their fates are uncertain, there are so many people getting off again. Of the one thing I am certain, I will finish the trail. It’s hard to believe that I am one of the few that remain. Still I have no clue where I will go when I return. That time is fast approaching for me, by tomorrow O r the day offer I will be in PA and a few weeks later NJ.
It’s hard to imagine what I will do when I return. The possibilities are endless right now and I hope that I am lead in the right direction. Letting go of control as been a struggle for me. Ironically when you have nothing there is nothing to control, no matter no mind, no mind no matter. Still there are questions that remain, who will I be when I return, myself or someone else? How much will I have changed? Fortunately for me my thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the ATC. It was time to get my picture taken, number 1120 for the year. The only people I saw were Mantis, Huckleberry, Dutchy, and Diesel all ahead by a few days. Getting settled into the rooms for the night, Just Jeremy and I showered and relaxed for the evening.