I have noticed a pattern emerge in my dating life recently. No matter the start I’m getting the same result. We hit it off and it’s shortly followed by manic texting, calls, shared pictures, dates , etc and then poof it just fades over night. No rhyme no reason. When I explained this to Aaron 2.0 he brought up a great point. Why am I trying to form a connection before I leave in April. Was he right? Should I not form a connection only to leave for five months and maybe not return?
I thought about this for a few hours and after talking to my brother in law I was no further to finding an answer. By brother in law Aaron1.0 had a different take on this. His thoughts were as long as I wasn’t putting any expectations on the type of relationship, why not? I could make friends, develop an interest as long as I didn’t jump the gun and forgo my trip and my reasons for doing so. What are my reason for starting something new? Why do I want to start something only to leave a few months later. Will this change my desire to come home if I do so? What about my future adventures, will it affect them?
I feel and fear that if I do not have a reason to come back that I won’t. I have to make sure that these apprehensions aren’t at the helm and taking control, if i dwell to much on them they will overtake my motivating reasons and emotions. The same ones that drove me to get home when i left for the service i didn’t know i might not make it home. now i know and I’m not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. If I don’t have any attachments I’m free to roam. Will I remain a roaming tumbleweed, forever? If I have a reason to return will I miss out on something far greater to come? The longer I think on this the more questions I have.